I want to be better than Mama

At everything. Cooking, and gardening are just a few of the things I want to be better at.

I'm really afraid of the future, and I feel odd saying that because I don't know if you understand.
I mean, I can really see myself staying with you for the rest of my life because I can't live without you.
I just want to let you know, when I say the future freaks me out, what I really mean is that I'm scared of a future without you.

I love you so much.
Don't ever forget that.
No matter what happens.
I will always be here.
I'll catch you when you fall.
I'll hold you when you're scared.
Don't worry about the future.
I know I'll be with you.

I don't know why you keep thinking that.

I haven't done shit since that incident in Kissimee. If you can have friends that are girls, why can't I have friends that are guys. I told him about how much you mean to me, so don't try and say shit like that. God damn, that's all that happens. I try and show you I love you, but you always think I'm cheating. God damn. Maybe I should just start doing shit, cos then at least your words would be true. I don't see why you keep thinking that. I don't think I can be with anyone else. Damn. You don't understand what you mean to me. So fuck off. God damn. All I ever did was try. Can you understand that? All I ever think about is you. So whatever. I don't care. And even if you want to leave me, I'll still be here for you. I still want to be your friend. So, now it's your choice. Would you be my friend or what?

I'm your girlfriend

So why can't you talk to me?
You should be able to confide in me some times.
I know I can't help much, but I care about you.
Who knows, maybe it would help to vent a little.
Why is she allowed to do your hair and not me?
Don't even try to tell me the reason I can't do it is because I don't have any hair ties.
What's going on in your head?
What are you thinking now?
I just want to be help.
Don't tell me nothing is wrong when I can hear it in your voice.
Maybe I'd wear make-up more for you if you could comment on it.
I need some reassurance here.
I don't want you to quit school.
I want you to stay so you can get your degree like you wanted.
I don't want you to give up so easily.
I don't want to see you so down, it's not you.
It doesn't matter though, I can't do anything.
I don't care if I can't do anything, I still want to make things better.
How can I though if you don't tell me your problems?
How am I supposed to know if you're suffering, or when you're really happy?
I want to hear your voice like when we first met.
You sounded so happy then, what happened?
Is it me, am I what's bringing you down?
I want to know why you can't tell me anything.
It's starting to tear, and it's hurting me.
You're confusing me so much, you say you're fine but your voice gives it away.
I just want you to tell me what you're honestly feeling and not just some lie.

hey jose

happy 10 months. <3 ♥

Maybe I don't want to change.

Steelers Won!

27-23. Yes!

I took off my glasses because the only truly beautiful thing in my world is you.
Everything else, I'd rather not see.
So, I'm going to keep my glasses off and live in this blurry world.
I'll only put them on so I can see you, all of you.
I know this is a bad move, but I don't like this world.
I just want to see you.
So when it's like this, I won't see anything.
I'm alright with that.
This world isn't what I want, you are.

Stupid Girls

What the hell did I do to deserve this.
They keep talking to me behind my back.
Not only that, but when they talk, and I hear.
They act as if I'm not there.
They're complaining because they lost their points.
They're complaining because when I get in trouble,
I don't lose my points. They're bitching about me because of that.
How low can they seriously go?
When I get in trouble, I apologize.
When I'm rude, I apologize.
I give respect, so why do they keep treating me like a dog?
I'm not here for that shit, I'm here for my future.
Why are they acting like they're better than me?
They're not. No one is better than anyone else.
When they say shit about me, it's ok, to them.
Yet when I say one little thing, they go all out on me.
I haven't done anything wrong, so I haven't lost points.
I do what I've been asked. That's why.
Yet they don't understand that.
So what do they choose to do.
Instead of talking to me face to face if they got a problem.
They start talking shit about me behind my back.
See I don't really care if they talk about me behind my back.
but to gang up and treat me like a dog.
That draws the line.
i have to pee. and i don't want to.
i'd rather talk to you, or Stina.
Or ice skate.
Or rape a dead person.
Oh wait... how'd that get there?
Shit who the fuck is typing this shit?

I LOVE YOU!!!

SMOOOCH! oAo

I'm on fire and now I think I'm ready to bust a move.

Scrobble your crappy music on my Last.fm Jose and see what happens. This is what happens when you scrobble on my Last.fm.


Betty won't stop listening to modern rock. =]

I got emotion dripping out my pores and I thought that I would let you know.<3

I was lost and then I found you.
You make my ocean, you make my sky blue.
You make me smile, you make sing.
You make me scream.
You make me everything.
You make me, me.

You make me laugh,
You make me cry,
You make me live,
You make me die.
You make me, me.

Height won't separate us from this love.<3

These days so few seem to have faith, in the son of man and in his grace.
I feel your breathe up on my face, as you replace my broken wings.

Happy....

21st Birthday

tHis is whATs playing my hEad at this MomEnt

[message on voicemail:] Hi Justin! This is your mother. It is 2:33 on Monday afternoon. I was just calling to see how you were doing. You sounded really uptight last night, it made me a little nervous, and a little, well it made me nervous, but it sounded like you were nervous too. I just want to make sure you are really okay and wanted to see if you were checking in on your medication too. You know I love ya and take care honey. I know you're under a lot of pressure. See ya. Bye Bye!

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you loved me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me? It is I that wanted space

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

I’m sober now for 3 whole months it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling “Make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered “How can you do this to me?”

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
For you
For you
For you

Positive Vibes

Reach out and open the door that no one thought could be opened. Life is behind it!
We don't have an eternity to realize our dreams, only the time we are here.
If you risk nothing, than you risk everything.*






*Quoted from a t-shirt*

Love Story-Taylor Swift(I'm dedicating it to you)

We were both young when I first saw you.
I close my eyes and the flashback starts:
I'm standing there on a balcony in summer air.

See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns.
See you make your way through the crowd
and say hello;

Little did I know
That you were Romeo; you were throwing pebbles,
And my daddy said, "Stay away from Juliet."
And I was crying on the staircase,
begging you, 'Please, don't go.'

And I said,
"Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone.
I'll be waiting; all there's left to do is run.
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'

So I sneak out to the garden to see you.
We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew.
So close your eyes; escape this town for a little while.
'Cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter,
And my daddy said "Stay away from Juliet,"
But you were everything to me; I was begging you, 'Please, don't go,'

And I said,
"Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone.
I'll be waiting; all there's left to do is run.
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'

Romeo save me; they're tryin' to tell me how to feel.
This love is difficult, but it's real.
Don't be afraid; we'll make it out of this mess.
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'

Oh.

I got tired of waiting,
Wondering if you were ever comin' around.
My faith in you was fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town.

And I said,
"Romeo save me - I've been feeling so alone.
I keep waiting for you but you never come.
Is this in my head? I don't know what to think-"

He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said,
"Marry me, Juliet. you'll never have to be alone.
I love you and that's all I really know.
I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress;
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'

Oh, oh.

We were both young when I first saw you...

The Future Freaks Me Out

What's going to happen when I leave?
Will it be like it used to?

My Ancestors

The person who typed this up totally misspelled my name and my mom's middle. urg.
http://www.rootsweb.ancestry.com/~hcpd/norman/CONRAD/JOHN.htm

"You Are Like" by J(eniffer).A(lissa).M(arlina).

Your eyes are like french fries(A)
Your eyes are like marshmellows(J)
Your eyes are a beautiful color(A)
Your eyes are like two chocolate gumdrops
That make me want to put it in the microwave and eat it(J)

Your hair is like a sheep(M)
Your hair is like a ball of cat fuzz(A)
Your hair is like a bowl of spaghetti and meatballs(J)
Your hair is like shiny pubes(M)

Your abs look like a snicker's bar(J)
Your abs are like stones, bumpy(A)
devine, sublimed, and uncircumcised(J)

Your arms are like twizzlers(J)
Your arms are like twigs(A)
Your arms make me think of teddy bears,
I love cuddling them(M)

Happy....

You're awesome Jose! Wait. I think I said that wrong. >-> <-< I mean Happy New Year! =]
Love you lots. <3 ♥